Taking up Space

Hi there,

I’m speaking to you, the person who never takes up any space, the person who is always willing to give time and energy to others, but you feel uncomfortable asking for even a scrap in return.

Do you ever find yourself feeling like you don’t deserve to take up room, that there is no arena for your needs to be heard let alone met. The belief that you are of no value unless you are the giver in the scenario. Even if the occasional person might ask you to step into the centre, it feels downright excruciating and you can’t wait to get back into the shadows.

If that sounds like something you’ve experienced, I empathise. I’ve been there. On the one hand there is a yearning for the spotlight but when it beams down on me I need to get out from under it as quick as I can.

So I’ve been curious about what might be going on. Why is it so difficult to take up that space?

Could it be the belief that I’ll be more lovable by giving constantly and never asking anything in return. Or could it be that somewhere deep down there is a voice that is telling me that my needs won’t be met, so don’t even try. Or maybe the voice which sounds like my own but might really be someone else demanding I “stay in my box” because asking means, “I am too much”.

But what happens when this well practised way of behaving becomes too much. When the “not taking up space” feels distinctly like being uncared for. When this way of existing no longer works.

Sometimes these moments are quiet turning points. A chance to honour the behaviours that once kept you safe, while wondering whether there might now be space — even just a little — to try something different. Meaningful changes can happen in small safe steps. Taking centre stage with a trusted friend and experiencing how that might be accepted or speaking to an ally about what you might want or need. Or finding a counsellor you trust, where the space belongs to you completely — and where taking up room isn’t just allowed, it’s the whole point.

If something in these words felt like it was written for you — it was. I’d love to hear from you.